do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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