last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
