Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
