Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
