I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
