Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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