I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
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