True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
