I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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