If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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