I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
