smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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