some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
