laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
