ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
