Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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