sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
