I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
