i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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