I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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