He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
