I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
