dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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