perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
