I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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