im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
