Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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