I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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