you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
