Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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