you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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