oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
