Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
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