the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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