I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize