New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
