my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
