this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize