i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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