Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
