Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
