I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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