Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
