dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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