she looked like the bat from fern gully.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?