That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
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So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
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It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.