But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
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I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
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Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.