toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
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So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
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Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad