i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...