i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
