I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
