I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
