dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
