oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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