Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
