So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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