How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
