Screwed.edu
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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