i need an iv and a liver transplant
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
