its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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