Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
