I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
