My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I am mentally ready for anal.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
