where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
did you just send me my own nude
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
