So drunk its hurt
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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