Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
