Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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