how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
