So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
My vagina is officially offended.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
