YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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