I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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