Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I just found a bag of teeth...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
