I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Randomize
